Friends don't let friends take home ugly men
------- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" its "Hi, how are you?"
------- Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
------- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N. Carolina

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
------- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas,Texas

Express Lane: Five beers or less.
------- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

You're too good for him.
------- Sign over mirror Women's room, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
------- Sign over mirror in Men's room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
------- Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
------- Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington

Beauty is only a light switch away.
------- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
------- Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.

Don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
------- Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
------- Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY

God is dead — Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead — God

Make love, not war. Hell, do both — get married.
------- Women's restroom, filling station, Bozeman, MT

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